"I know how you feel."

My husband has been deployed for over a year now and I hear numerous responses from people when they find out that my husband is there serving our country. I would like to take a few moments now to vent about one comment I hear in particular.

"I know how you feel."

When I hear someone say this, for a second it touches my heart. Gives me hope that I have found someone that really relates to my situation. And I have met these people. Women like me who have watched their soldiers go off to another country for long lengths of time while our country is at war.

My heart goes right back to those spouses of the current wars as well as past conflicts including the Vietnam veterans who I will never be able to quite relate to. It was a different era and in so many ways different from this war. But as a spouse I feel quite lucky to have contact with my husband as often as I do. We e-mail almost daily and I so look forward to our 15 minutes a week phone call. It's a great connection and he sounds like he's calling from next door not halfway around the world.

Back to my original gripe...

The kicker to the "I know you you feel" is when a person then follows up with "My husband travels all the time with his work."

Then my heart sinks. I want to say "Are you serious? You think your husband traveling with his job is anything like what I feel when my husband is in the middle of a war zone in Iraq?" But instead, I hush myself and move on trying not to keep a grudge on the person who made the comment. And, unfortunately, I have heard the comment more than once.

To the people that have made this comment I would like to ask you a few questions about when your husband travels for his job:

"Does he only travel at night because that's when it's safe?"

"Does he carry a weapon at all times?"

"Does he wear body armor?"

"Does your child ask who the bad guys are where Daddy is?"

"Has your child asked if Daddy shoots his gun at work?"

"When he sends you photos from work, do you scan the photo for weapons in the photo before you share it with your children?"

"Do you avoid the news because you don't want you or your children to hear what could be reported to have happened on any particular day in the country your husband is working in?"

If you can't answer "yes" to all of those questions, then "No, you don't know how I feel!"

Don't get me wrong, I know that people who have made the "I know how you feel" comment mean well. They just don't get it or don't now how to react. I pray that they will never truly understand. That some day there will be peace in Iraq and Afghanistan and that our soldiers will not be in harms way again. And I know that these people that have made this comment may answer similarly to me to some of my questions. I know what they actually relate to is the absence of a loved one. I get that. Oh do I get that. That could lead to another list of questions which I will spare us all from now.

So, now you may be thinking I'm snotty and I don't appreciate people's sincere responses to finding out that I have a deployed spouse. But what I really want to do is educate people on a more honorable response to this situation. I would like to think that I'm the only person you folks know that are in this situation but chances are if you know any other military personnel than I am not. As my husband has always said, "There are those that have been [to Iraq and/or Afghanistan] and those that will go." I am so proud of my husband. Proud of our country. Thankful for our freedom.

And if you truly do know how that military family is feeling please let them know. It does matter that we [families of soldiers] are not alone, that there are others who do know what we go through.

On that note, I'd like to end this gripe session and share these lyrics from the Martina McBride song "Happy Girl."

"Laugh when I feel like it

Cry when i feel like it

That's just how my life is

That's how it goes

Oh watch me go

I'm a happy girl

And I've come to know

That the world won't change

Just 'cause I complain

Let the axis twirl

I'm a happy girl

Oh watch me go

I'm a happy girl

Everybody knows

That the sweetest thing you'll ever see

In the whole wide world

Is a happy girl"

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Now let me just disclaim that I hesitate making this post. I do not, in any way, intend to offend my faithful blog readers. My venting is not directed at any one in particular. I am truly thankful for the wonderful support of family and friends that the Lord has blessed us with.